Goldberg vs Lesnar At Wrestlemania: An All-Around Bad Idea

y folks, welcome to this week’s edition of the STUpid Thoughts Newsletter! Wrestlemania is fast approaching, and I have to say, it’s been a long time since they’ve presented a Wrestlemania card I have this little interest in. Most of the reason I feel this way has to do with what’s looking to be the main event of the show, as Bill Goldberg will defend the Universal Title against Brock Lesnar.

There are so many things wrong with this match that it’s hard to know where to begin. For one, Kevin Owens has done a great job of carrying Raw since winning the title, but since he isn’t “big name” enough, he’s made to suffer the usual “spear & jackhammer” loss to a guy who hasn’t spent more than a few minutes in the ring in the last 13 years.

That brings me to the second problem, which is that we’re not even sure that Goldberg CAN go more than a couple of minutes. He was never that great a wrestler to begin with, but now he’s over 50, rusty, and more injury-prone due to age. I think his quick matches, while a nostalgia act, covers for the same thing now that it did in 1998: the guy is extremely limited in the ring.

This brings us to Brock Lesnar, who is exactly the guy you DON’T want to put in the ring with an injury-prone guy in his 50s. His history of accidentally hurting guys is legendary (see Orton, Randy and Punk, CM), so the short matches might be protecting Goldberg in other ways.

But even more than that, Brock Lesnar spent YEARS beating everyone he got thrown in the ring with. He ended the Streak. He cakewalked over John Cena to the WWE World Title. And it hasn’t even been close. Most of his matches have been so one-sided that it was always more a question of when he would win and not if.

At least, that was until Goldberg dusted him in 80 seconds at Survivor Series. Now we have a mostly retired guy who CRUSHED the unbeatable monster, then eliminated the same guy from the Royal Rumble in mere seconds before spearing everyone else in the ring into next week. So right out of the gate, it makes everyone else look like chumps because he destroyed the guy who destroyed all of them, then destroyed them as well.

That brings us to Wrestlemania, where all sane thinking says this is where Lesnar finally beats Goldberg and takes the Universal Title. Then again, sane thinking says Lesnar never should have lost to Goldberg to begin with, but I digress. First of all, I’m not convinced that this won’t be another extremely quick match, whoever ends up winning.

But let’s say that Lesnar does win: what did he really accomplish? Sure, he finally gets his win over Goldberg, but that’s after losing to him twice and getting brushed out of the Rumble by him. At this point Goldberg is clearly establised as the better man, so even if Lesnar wins, it’s the 10th in the “Goldberg will win 9 out of 10 times” line. It’ll be even worse if he has to cheat his ass off to beat him.

And who does any of this help? Goldberg is probably going back into retirement after Wrestlemania, Lesnar will have the title and will again be a part time champion, and nobody who is on the road for WWE full time will have gotten ANYTHING out of this. This is why WWE has to bring back old guys for Wrestlemania each year, none of this does anything to build the next generation of stars, and they will be screwed when there’s nobody left from the Monday Night Wars they can bring in.

As for Kevin Owens, he’s going to be getting the match with Chris Jericho that we all wanted to see, but it’ll be for the US Title instead of the Universal Title. Knowing WWE, it will also probably open the show. I guess this is what you call paying dues?