Dixie Carter In Apparent Stupor

According to those close to her, TNA President Dixie Carter has lapsed into an unusual stupor where the only words she speaks are “Stay tuned!” While this has long been one of her favorite responses to questions she didn’t have ready answers for, Dixie has apparently become trapped in a psychological rut that has experts baffled.

“I don’t get it,” says noted wrestling psychologist Dr. Sydney M. Basil, “We’ve tried numerous different types of stimuli and gotten no reaction from Ms. Carter other than that one phrase. We asked her if TNA would wind up back on SpikeTV, we asked her if Jim Ross was coming in to book the company, and we even asked her if aliens would land in her six-sided ring to re-enact the Civil War, and all we got back was ‘Stay tuned!’ I’m deeply worried for her.”

The wrestlers, on the other hand, were doing their best to maintain a positive outlook. One worker, who asked to remain anonymous, had the following to say:

“Dixie slipping into this stupor was a huge relief, maybe now without her there to make all the wrong decisions, someone with a brain will step up and stop this ship from divebombing under the ocean.”

The wrestlers sentiments were echoed by most of the rest of TNA’s full-time, contracted roster…all four of them.